“Tain” by Guest Blogger: Paul McAdory

Here is a piece written by our friend paul, a sort of  “ode to plantains” that is both witty and a social commentary on Western Gaze and post-colonial struggles.


Adoration of the Plantain

By Paul McAdory

Part One: The Question


I proposed a plantain project, a projection of plantains into academia’s uncollected collective consciousness. Plantains on tables, plantains situated suggestively in open chairs, begging to be grasped, disrobed, chewed and swallowed: this is my great grand vision. Ordinary nanas needn’t apply; immovable plantain or die, say I. A small budget could secure the necessary quantity of fat crescent ‘tains. And then? ’Tain juice shall spring from e’ry fount, its potassium-rich squish peal from e’ry mouth. Question 1: Is the imported plantain, so distant from its tree, a part still of its parent? Question 2: Where’s the seed? These questions (1 and 2) and others (unasked) will not be unanswered via: sociological observation of student eating habits with regards to ’tains; genetics-based philosophical arguments re: the fruit and its dangler; invasive phrenological studies of ’tains, etc. Conclusions will be drawn with regards to the absolute substance of plantains. Judgments will fall from on high, probably in the form of plantains upon plates. Something something plantain.


Part 2: Taingential Thoughts


He maintained the tain train till his brain’s inane refrain became the swain raining greenyellow praise upon uncomplaining plantaint. The tain’s plangent-pealing for its peel’s repellant peeling feeling culls juice from the husky tough exterior masking a husky tough interior and belies the husky tough truth of dry entrapment made moist, juiced by abstracted problematics circumscribing the polarized authenticated othered ethnographied experience. A new western gaze ain’t unattained: it’s a circlejerk, to use a western phrase. My taste buds western wired, my tain grip the right western tipgrip, my acknowledgement of my transient and limited knowledge of plantain preparation itself appropriately broadly western in the ill-defined academic manner that is a custom of a nonparticular epistemology erected upon a pile of plaything words; to consider seriously the serious consideration of tainthings playplace in wordsworthwhile is the contingent political paradox of presupposed postcolonial coloniality, that façade of modernity muttered in the country’s unguent press opposed to pairs of dock’s co-lone reality. Taingential and tain-genital thoughts impossible to ascertain: other self-related and other-created other bother mother bout the bottled brother floating in the fridge next to thwat bot tre tains pert unplied shafts holding fast in the frigid air, consuming the cold air its colonized Ptolemized brutalatized


A daydreaming glaze in a daygleam nation:

Falling out of trees they hit the floor;

There’s bum trash in my hall and my tain is ripped

I’ve totaled another phrase I’m calling in stripped


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